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Observations
  • A thread for concise observations of things of note which you've witnessed.
    Weird objects, overheard conversations, striking atmospheric conditions.
    Any circumstance, object or occurence you can turn into a paragraph.

    Impetus for this: I used to email weird/interesting overheard conversations to a couple of friends and I realise I've stopped noticing them since I stopped documenting & sharing them.

  • Three early middle aged NHS IT technicians in uniform sat around a table in the lunch room. All are staring intently at their iphones but talking raucously in amused west-country tones about mackerel oil, coconut oil and the likely impartiality of an internet authority on the virtues of the latter. They believe he has ties to the coconut marketing board.
  • _ch__ch_
    Posts: 1,899
    the Sun headline today: "TROLLS TARGET MUM ADELE" - i like to think this frazzled a few more-elderly minds....
  • expexp
    Posts: 2,638
    Drunken intake of PCSOs in staff accommodation at training school having a 1am game of Truth or Dare: "Have you ever shoved your finger up your own arse?"
  • Who hasn't?
  • Agitated train conductor as customer hints at the possible cause of delay: "Don't tell me, coz I don't know!"
  • truth or dare: The questions are more revealing than the answers.

    At work a week or so back.

    There's a power cut, but we're an NHS trust so backup generators kick in for *essentials* - emergency lights, server room and workstations (some of our reporting is clinical).

    Brief "dog inthe playground" atmosphere, but quickly, people just get back to work. Everyone but Joan (not real name), the office's imminant retiree, volunteer Health and Safety advocate, volunteer safety warden and wholefood/Alexander Method nutcase. She is wandering around, in and out of the room, seemingly roaming all over the building, wearing a look of utter delight and amusement and making helpful observation:
    the main lights are out!"
    "the kettle isn't working!"
    "The hand dryers aren't working!"
    "the taps in the disabled toilet aren't working!".

    At the tap observation, one colleague chips in "thank christ! Imagine, taps without handdryers!"
    Eventually she disappears completely. The office manager comes in and says "if you want a cup of tea, the kettle upstairs is still working." I wait out the stampede and few minutes later wander upstairs to make a cuppa.

    As I'm making my way through the unusually dark corridor (emergency lights only) I turn a corner and Joan walks right into me. She's wearing sunglasses carrying a huge jug of hot water (presumably in case this kettle goes down too, so she's prepared). Again: Joan is the office Health and Safety advocate.
    Me, amazed, but thankfully unscalded: "Joan, do you think you need sunglasses in here".
    Joan, flustered, still very amused in her slightly pedantic tone "oh, (hahaha) well it's so dark in there now, so that makes my monitor really bright. It's not good for your eyes."
  • SandorKrasnaSandorKrasna
    Posts: 872
    A colleague enthusiastically biting into an apple at the urinal.

    It made me realise I've never eaten an apple with my cock out.
    Am I a prude?
  • _ch__ch_
    Posts: 1,899
    yes.

    this is very much on a similar topic to a fantastic anecdote i was very recently told.
    not sure if this is the place for it mind.

    instead, a wonderful moment last saturday morning:

    small child of about 9 - "you should never punch someone in the balls, no matter how much you hate them - because it really hurts"

    beautifully noble.
  • SandorKrasnaSandorKrasna
    Posts: 872
    In the office again.

    (inaudible conversation from LN (female) and JH (male) as they walk into the room)

    LN (looking at the coin in her hand) ... oh I miss everything these days
    JH Well let that be a lesson to you, that 5p
    (long pause, LN at her desk, JH carries on across the room to his )
    LN Well it's an old fashioned shilling!
    JH (turns around and walks back to LN) They were bigger. Like the old 5p
    LN Yes.
    It used to be that you could buy a shoulder of lamb for 12 shillings
    JH And what could you buy for 2 and 6? A chop?
    LN (calculates) well you could ... (mumbling, thinking)
    JH (with barely a pause) Whose is this new desk?
    LN (surprised at the new desk next to hers) Oh. I don't know.
    JH We'll know soon enough. (pauses then leaves)
  • Duncan
    Posts: 349
    Some kids just briefly decided to 'busk' outside my window. Mainly just weird vocal plosive sounds and whispered vocals. Very odd and nice. Sadly they just decided they 'need to move to a different location'.
  • Edward Boyle Library, Level 9 - main repository for 1st Year textbooks here at the University of Leeds. Two lads - tousled haired rugby types - roll up two days into the exam period, clutching A4 photocopies - presumably reading lists - and start jogging up and down the central aisle, increasingly agitated. One says to the other: "it's no use, mate, we'll never find it - there must be thousands of books in here."

    Laugh/cry? The former probably...
  • Two students walking in front of me on my lunchtime stroll:

    One: "that guy can play guitar like Jon Bonham from led Zep!"
    Two: (with gusto) "YES!!!"
  • SandorKrasnaSandorKrasna
    Posts: 872

    "it's no use, mate, we'll never find it - there must be thousands of books in here."



    This is brilliant.
  • _ch__ch_
    Posts: 1,899

    "it's no use, mate, we'll never find it - there must be thousands of books in here."



    This is brilliant.



    it truly is.

    :-)
  • A verbose, 50 something IT contractor behind me.
    He bemoans Basildon, at length, but praises the NHS IT team there. He says, in a surprisingly touching moment, that he "misses" them, but his voice turns awkward at revealing too much and he rapidly covers his vulnerability with bluster, gaining confidence as the simile comes together: "mad as a... bunch of ... pink... ferrets... ... in a blender!"

    His colleague, eyes locked on workstation and typing throughout, makes no response.
  • Table of IT engineers passing their lunch break with a trivia quiz:

    Quizmaster (florid Somerset accent):
    "Which rock star refused to play in China when he found out they skin cats and dogs to make coats?"
    Contestant: "hmmm ... Bono?"
    Quizmaster (keen to build suspense) ".... ah, you were close... Midge Ure!"
    Murmured agreement: "ah, he was close"



  • "hey, so it's your birthday this weekend. Thanks for the cake. Are you doing anything nice?"
    “We’re going to my mother in law’s”
    “ah ok, sounds like a birthday treat!”
    “yeah … we do it every year”
    “right. Is that going to be good?”
    “yeah… not really, we’re going ice-skating, that’s what we do. I can’t ice skate”
    “You do that every year … for your birthday?”
    “yeah”
    “and you can’t ice skate?”
    “not at all”

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